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6 Mar 2017 by | No Comments
Bearded Tattoo Man

A REPORT published today suggests that middle-aged men on the Isle of Wight are twice as likely as the national average to suffer from a recently identified condition known as “LaDS” – Lamentable Dad Syndrome. Up to 25% of Island men over the age of 35 are thought to show signs ...

3 Mar 2017 by | No Comments
Steam Railway

THE Government are considering a number of improvements to the rail network which could include the Isle of Wight, it has been announced today. Under the proposals, the line between Havenstreet and Smallbrook would be electrified. There would be a number of redundancies at The Isle of Wight Steam Railway which a ...

7 Apr 2013 by | 13 Comments
Island Closed

THE Government has announced that they are considering the closure of several islands including the Isle of Wight. Minister for Islands, Mr Jerry Mander MP, told the Candy Press; “The Government faces some tough decisions in these times of economic hardship. The Isle of Wight is an old, crumbling, Victorian Island ...

24 Nov 2012 by | 12 Comments
Island Used Cars

ISLAND motorists have been warned against buying a car from the mainland after a series of adverts appeared on Wightbay. Council spokesperson Miss Dee Poynt said, “These cars are often a fraction of the price of those available from Island dealers, and frequently come with full service histories that have been ...

26 Sep 2012 by | 6 Comments
Missing Boy

An Island boy who went missing earlier today has returned home safe and well.  Police were alerted when single mum Laura Norder aged 28 from Chale realised that her 13 year old son Ivor was not in the family home. Laura told us; “For some reason I got up earlier than ...

25 Sep 2012 by | 5 Comments
Blackgang Chine

A couple from St Helen’s are trying to raise money so they can take their son on a once in a lifetime trip to Blackgang Chine. Tracey and Barry Scrote received the devastating news that their son Joshua, aged 9, has myopia and will need glasses for the rest of his ...

24 Sep 2012 by | 9 Comments
Island Weed

The Island’s cannabis users are being urged to only buy their weed from Island suppliers, in order to help the local economy. Harry Monk, aged 22 and from somewhere a bit shit, told The Candy Press; “I know that it’s sometimes tempting to buy cheaper and stronger skunk from mainland dealers, ...

23 Sep 2012 by | 7 Comments
Rechargeable Batteries

EcoIsland have welcomed the news that a 44 year old woman from Shanklin has bought a packet of recharegeable batteries from Argos Extra. Staff at the retail giant’s store clapped and cheered as Mrs. Chlamydia Duvet drove away in her top of the range BMW X5 V8. Mrs. Duvet told the Candy ...

20 Sep 2012 by | 17 Comments
Southern Vectis

A driver at Southern Vectis has been dismissed after 22 years’ service. Hugh Janus, aged 52, said that he had never once been  in an accident and was always polite to customers. A spokesperson for the company told us that; “Regretfully, Mr Janus has never once been involved in a funny incident ...